There’s no big book of dog rules
“I’m doing this - I don’t know if that’s good or not” is a common refrain I hear from clients. It usually comes with an explanation of a behavior modification strategy that they’re undertaking, and it ranges in delivery from overconfident to please don’t tell me I’ve been actually making things worse.
I’m sympathetic to their hesitation. The practice and application of dog training is as varied as it is dubious sometimes, and dog guardians are right to be confused. There is so much conflicting and contradictory information shared by trainers and vets and family and friends and you should be doing this but actually don’t do it that way - that was an absolute disaster for me and AHHH!!!
“Enough already - I give up”
I get it. It’s SO hard to find your way through all the mess and to pull out anything useful sometimes. And to top it off, while I do genuinely believe that the overwhelming majority of people working with and caring for dogs do really care about them - their values in how to care for them run the gamut. And they may not have much overlap with what you value.
But to have any hope at making sense of all this, first let’s talk about the big book of dog rules.
What the Big Book of Dog Rules looks like, I presume
The Big Book of Dog Rules is what I assume that all these trainers, overbearing family members and just-trying-to-help-but-aren’t-really-at-all friends who doll out that one-size-fits-all, this worked with me dog kind of advice that leaves you deflated and dejected.
“You can’t let ‘em on the couch or they won’t respect you”
“You have to eat before your dog, or they won’t know that you’re leader”
“You have to have them walk behind you so they know you’re alpha”
Author’s note: Respect, leader, alpha. Yeah, I see the ego in it too. We can do a deep dive on that later if you’d like, I promise. But let’s not get into that can of worms today, ok? Ok thanks 😊
Obviously, these people have a Big Book of Dog Rules that we don’t have. How unfair!? They just have all the answers written out in front of them and anytime they have a problem, they just flip to the relevant answer, and BOOM! - the solution.
The issue is… they don’t. There is no Big Book of Dog Rules.
To expand on that, there is no one-size-fits-all approach or magic pill or I did this thing once and it worked forever either. But deep down somewhere, you knew that - right?
Like so many things in this world, dog behavior and our strategies to modify it are complex, personal and need to take into account the learner (dog) in front of you. The I have all the answers appearance is just a facade.
Dog aggression can’t be addressed with this one simple trick. Reactivity isn’t a lack of respect for you because you let them sleep in your bed.
You can pitch your Big Book of Dog Rules.
“So what? We can’t know anything then?” I hear you clamor. Hold on there bucko - I’ve got a helpful framework for you. (I’m nothing if not full of helpful frameworks 😀)
There was a time as an early trainer where I was doing a lot of continuing education. Like A LOT.
And naturally, I’d run into a lot of training strategies that I’d never encountered before, let alone tried myself. Most were good. Some weren’t. Some of them made my skin crawl.
But why? Was I just denying myself and the dogs I work with a helpful strategy just because it didn’t fit in my current knowledge base? I realized that I’d have to have some criteria for sorting out what strategies got put in front of clients.
I came up with three questions.
What impact does this have on the dog’s wellness and welfare?
What is the likely behavior modification outcome here and what is the dog likely to learn?
Is this sustainable? Is it likely to be put in place reliably to achieve the desired outcome in Question #2?
When applied to a certain situation, the answers we’re after here are probably pretty obvious. They are also numbered and in order for a reason. The first question is the most important and if the strategy in question “fails” #1, then we can pitch it. Or at a minimum be very skeptical at every answer that comes next.
The beauty of these questions is that it lead me to a conclusion: there isn’t one right answer!
How you care for and train with your dog is a personal journey. One that you should be constantly assessing and throwing up against your own beliefs and values.
There’s no Big Book of Dog Rules. There’s just your personal notebook. Your trials and failures. But also your successes. It’s your own. And it’s tailor fit to the kind of relationship that you want to have with your dog.
Your little book of dog notes, if you will.
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